I have been advocating for horses for decades. We've gained, but we lose. We end horse slaughter houses (for human consumption) in the US, others try to get them going somewhere else...meanwhile horse slaughter continues even in states, such as NJ, which have bills against allowing it for human consumption, because it's for animal feed.. Again, wild horses and burros are being rounded up, wrenched from their freedom, many dying as a result....many facing years of torture or slaughter. We find ourselves in a constant battle. And the move that might change everything, to end transportation of horses for slaughter completely...and require a change in the "throw away" and over-breeding mentality of the horse industry, keeps dying in committee Time is running out, for the current bill S. 541/H.R. 1094—The Safeguard American Food Exports (SAFE) Act. Over and over and over....
So over and over and over...I am hit with Compassion/Activism Fatigue. When it's coupled with personal loss, as it often has been for me, it can become crippling. I can't advocate for the horses effectively. At this Pagans I was trying to be friendly with go out and kill horses for selfish reasons pretending it somehow honors a Mare Goddess and realizing that some of my "friends" were supporters of another Pagan who makes her living off of unethically sourced animal parts, including "pony skins" and horse ears I had to pull away from those people, although I did fool myself that one person's excuses actually was saying she was going to honor my pain and separate from the horse and wolf killer she was connected to ....I realized my foolishness since.
Part of the reason activists for horses become so fatigued isn't just the vile assholes who participate in the killing. It's all the people who claim to be against it, but see no reason to bother with it. When one of the horse killers went begging money from the Pagan community, I witnessed many who claimed they hated what she had done but had to support her because somehow this project she hasn't done yet was so important to them. So, you know, who the fuck cares about the horses?
It gets to the point where I don't care either. Why should I? I can't safe them all. We'll never save them all. This bill will never go through, people will continue to happily torture and kill horses, others will accept it and even celebrate how cool they are.... No one cares....why should I?
Of course, I do. I care too much. I have no choice, I have oaths.
I have made more moves to distance myself from people who support this in anyway...including those who say they don't but continue to associate with the horse killers. I have also had to break ties with someone who probably could have helped me a lot on my own project, due to their help to the horse eater...it would break my oaths to have this work, especially, touched by that (I hope I am not tainting it by using their writings for research, it is something I am currently struggling over). I have had to remove people I thought were friends (one of whom might also have been helpful to my project...but again...I can't have it touched and again must reconsider any use of what they helped me with...which is a huge problem for me) because they did not respect the pain that such associations cause me...including people who make a lot of noise about the importance of such things (but apparently, feeling it for horses, wolves and other animals isn't valid).
But I find I can do and write little to advocate for the horses at this time. I try to pass thins along, I sign petitions, I have made phone calls to my Congresscritters who are, thankfully, pretty good on these issues (yes, even her, on this). And I take care of my little herd...all who could have ended up in a bad way (but, honestly, not having had real sleep for so long...how much I actually do with them is limited).
Certainly other activists manage while witnessing even more than I have. We each have different breaking points. And sometimes we can step back and find our ways to cope and sometimes that's from the horses themselves. I am hoping that again removing people who bring this toxin closer to me and by writing about it will help. I do know, from experience, that I will again end up with people in my life who bring the issue too close for comfort, there are simply too many who just do not care enough and, well, that is why this fatigue happens, why cynicism and extreme distrust are part of this. I will keep fighting, but sometimes will just be quieter about it.
